The Crab Basket Effect: Overcoming Resistance and an unsupportive environment on the path of Personal Growth

I was in the gym today and above the cardio machines they have some tv’s hanging on the wall. Not that you have a choice what you can watch and sometimes you encounter stuff that you normally don’t get in contact with.

And also this time. They had a rerun of a wipe out show playing on the tv’s.
As a location independent entrepreneur I give up regular tv a long time and just have access to live stream subscriptions like Netflix. So wipeout is something I would never watch voluntarily.

Nevertheless, as I rowed away, I found myself contemplating the underlying purpose of the show and how it relates to personal development and our support systems.

Because the whole purpose of wipe out is the rooting for and seeing the participants fail. It’s an obstacle course designed to bring lots and lots of challenges on your path.

And then there are snarky commentators that seem to get the most laughs if someone is failing rather then winning. And with extra camera shots and close up repeats of their moments of failure is really isn’t about winning. It’s a display of a lot of things but it is not about winning, that is for sure.

It made me ponder how often we encounter similar attitudes in our real-life personal development journeys.

Often when you are starting a personal development growth proces. How many people are actually rooting for your succes?? Or do you have more loud and snarky commentators in your environment that wast no moment to go over all the things you are not doing right? Maybe it is good to see it for what that says about them. Because they clearly don’t want to succeed. Even if it is covered or sugar coded with well wished and good intentions. If some one is sticking their head out from the group, chances are that they will try to put you back in your place.

Why? Well, there is an interesting theory about that and that is called the crab basket effect.

You may be familiar with the crab basket effect. When a crab is alone in a basket it climbs out effortlessly. As soon as there are more crabs in the basket, it doesn’t even need to be covered because not one gets out. What happens is that the crabs take each other down. Hmmm, a bizarre phenomenon you might think….

Well be surprised. The joke is that this crab basket effect is something women do. Women like you and me. And it is not just women, even though it is more likely that women do it. But is is man as well, it’s human really. We are not crabs, we have common sense and values. So why does this happen anyway?

Understanding the crab basket effect sheds light on why this happens.
The crab basket effect stems from our primal brain’s tendency to seek conformity for safety and survival. In prehistoric times, being disconnected from the group meant danger, and conformity was necessary for survival. While we have evolved, this behavior still exists in our subconscious behavior and it is influencing our interactions today.

So this crab basket effect goes beyond our common sense. It is hidden in another part of our brain that we are not aware of. But since we are all also still responding from this primal brain, that part of our brain that thinks we are still living in the time of hunters and gatherers. And then if you look at the basket effect it is more explainable.

In prehistoric times, women were responsible for maintaining harmony to keep the herd together. Being disowned from the group meant certain death. So conformism was necessary. Conformism is adapting to the views and behavior of a group, with the goal of being accepted or of seeking belonging. As soon as someone tries to put their head out, it is a threat to rest of the group. Women want connection. As soon as they notice that someone doesn’t want to fit in, doesn’t want to make or break this connection it feels like betrayal. Betrayal is not a safe feeling and that causes insecurity as well.

So, essentially it is about the safety. Or actually the lack of safety, especially for women if you look back in history. Because being the odd one out from a historical perspective means that you where like not able to survive in the society. It was too risky to be outside of the group, and especially your loved ones would want to you life another day. And that part of our inheritance
is still showing up in our subconscious behavior today. Even though times are different now.

Women, in particular, tend to seek connection and like-mindedness, which reinforces our self-image.

Our self-image, our identity is created by comparison and that is how we maintain it. We are constantly comparing to ensure a safe place in the group. Women are focused on relationships. Like-mindedness, connection and connection. These relationships help to test and confirm self-image. We do this to two sides. There is mutual interest there. The other person also has an interest in you maintaining her self-image.

When someone challenges the group’s norms, it can be perceived as a threat and trigger feelings of insecurity. As a result, others may try to bring them back to the perceived safety of the group.

If someone does not conform to the group after all, women seek support from each other. We sort out the mess in our heads by talking about it. You see it even in little girls. Very subtly, usually through gossiping, backbiting or bullying, it is confirmed that you do belong to the group. Adult women are girls who have grown a little bit bigger, the system remains the same.

Besides, how many women want or even dare to crawl out of the basket. If her environment encourages and supports her, she still has to deal with all those little voices in her head. Hello inner critic! That is your own personal imaginary crab basket. And it’s aim is the same. To prevent you from getting out of that basket. It will yell at you: You can’t do it, who do you think you are, you let others down…. That basket of crabs is certainly in our heads as well as in the outside world.

The moment someone wants to leave the group, it feels like rejection to the rest. Jealousy might appear to be the culprit, but it often masks underlying insecurities.

So this “putting you back in your place” behavior is displayed especially when the others feel threatened. Or when your inner critic feels threatened. It’s based on fear. Not love.

It is unsafe and insecure so…. back in your basket! And the same goes with your inner critic. Oee, it is to scary out there. It is not safe, let’s go back to the place that we know which is in our little comfort zone. 

So your brain and the intergenerational unwritten rules that are being past down from parent to child, generation after generation are dynamics at play here. Group dynamics are a fascinating thing. And unfortunately today there are a still a lot of places in the world where being a woman is not very safe. Not everyone has full control over their lives or what happens to their bodies. I mean in some countries it looks like the progress of the last 50 years are turned backwards…You know which countries I am talking about…

And then we have Our inner critic, which whispers self-doubt and fear, acts like a personal crab basket, preventing us from venturing outside our comfort zone.

Overcoming this requires recognizing that the fear of being different and not belonging is deeply ingrained in our ancestral heritage. However, we must break free from this mindset to embrace personal growth.

Anyway, returning back to that personal growth journey …
You may not find support in your environment when you are investing time, money and energy into personal development.

Because if someone is growing and actively working on healing trauma’s, perhaps childhood trauma’s and doing inner work and living life on your terms, perhaps you will not be met with loud cheers for your success. No, it perhaps makes the rest of your family tribe, your loved ones or your group of friends feel like they are at a standstill. They might be jealous of you. The might fear that they are losing the connection with you. Or that you blame them for their parenting mistakes.

In any case becoming aware of this issue is really the key here. Because it will reveal more about them then it is about you. If your personal development journey or your journey to freedom is triggering to others. That is THEIR trigger, not yours. it’s essential to remember that their resistance tells you more about their own fears and insecurities than about our journey.

So don’t get yourself distracted by that. Assure them that you are oké and thank them for their concern. And then do what YOU want. Follow your desires. Follow your passions.

What also can help in that process is to surround yourself with likeminded people and seeking group coaching can be a powerful way to find support and understanding in this journey.

That level of support and community is why group coaching can be so powerful. Maybe your friends don’t understand why you are diving into your past, do family constellations or do a deep dive into the Human Design system. But your fellow coachees will get you, because they go through the same process.  

And that is why I love creating the magic that is called Reis & werk met Human Design. That is my group coaching program of 6 weeks where we dive into Human Design together. Where we hold space for each others experiences and and where we  hold each other accountable.

If you want to know more about that, check the website www.palmtreemoments.com for more details about his program and when the doors are opening again. 

And remember. The magic of personal development lies in stepping outside the crab basket and transforming ourselves into the better versions of who we truly are.

Well, that is it for today!